THE GREEN -- Our long national nightmare is over.
No, not that nightmare. That one is still going. See Com, Dot Twitter for proof.
No, I'm referencing that longing you've felt since January, that urge to gaze lovingly at the Neal's Picks Money Tree, so lush and full as it graces the grounds of The Green (formerly known as Neal's Picks Palatial Estates).
That was such a mouthful, after all (That's what she said, phrasing, all that, I know, I know). Besides, when I would tell Chase Parham I was headed over to The Green, he just assumed I was on my way to a golf course. His mind is always on the links. Mine is always on the cash.
So while Parham spent his summer chasing birdies (and finding bogeys), we at The Green prepared for the 2018 football season. Our staff of interns worked tirelessly researching trends, running computer simulations and consuming copious amounts of Cathead Honeysuckle Vodka. We constantly perused the Internet for information that could swing a game a point here or a point there. The tequila flowed as our knowledge levels soared.
So here we are, in the final week of August, ready for Week 1.
Once again, we are competing against the aforementioned Parham, Memphis radio personality and gambling addict Jeffrey Wright, the eyes of the world and history.
In addition, we welcome a new facet to Neal's Picks this fall. Call it Dealer Wars. Neal's Picks has already destroyed savings accounts and 401(k)s. Now, we at The Green (see, just the sophistication of the name alone will have us invited to all the big Oxford Christmas parties this year; I'm finally going to know what it's like to be Mayor Parham) are proud to say we have divided families, forcing brothers to combat one another right here in the open each Friday morning.
My friend Corey Clark of Clark Ford in beautiful Amory, Mississippi, has challenged his brother, Barrett Clark of Larry Clark Chevrolet GMC Buick Cadillac to the ultimate showdown for fraternal superiority. The Clarks will fight it out here each on Neal's Picks. The winner gets a beautiful trophy and a lifetime of bragging rights. The loser receives humiliation, shame and a life incapable of reaching any sort of fulfillment.
The stakes simply couldn't be higher.
For picks this year, we will use lines provided by the MGM Mirage in Las Vegas. All rankings are courtesy of the Associated Press and all times will be Central Daylight Time or Central Standard Time, depending on the time of year.
With that out of the way, on to the picks...
Thursday's game:
Northwestern (La.) State (No line) at Texas A&M, 7:30 p.m., SEC Network:
Jeffrey Wright: Northwestern (La.) State (No line) at Texas A&M: I really wish the NCAA would do away with buy games. I don’t hate them for some competitive-balance reason, but they don’t have lines, and therefore are useless to me. Jeffrey's Pick: Texas A&M 55, Northwestern State 6
Neal McCready: Jimbo Fisher versus Ed Orgeron's alma mater. Scintillating. Neal's Pick: Texas A&M 42, Northwestern State 6
Chase Parham: Even Ed Orgeron put up nearly 40 on Northwestern State way back in 2007. Chase's Pick: TAMU 48, Northwestern State 9
Barrett Clark: Have you not seen Jimbo's new boots? Barrett's Pick: Texas A&M 49, Northwestern St. 7
Corey Clark: Baylor beat Northwestern State 55-7 in the 2017 opener. Corey's Pick: Texas A&M 56, Northwestern State 7
Saturday's games:
Coastal Carolina (+30) at South Carolina, 11 a.m., SEC Network:
Jeffrey Wright: Coastal Carolina (+30) at South Carolina: I’m not saying I’m getting old, but I couldn’t believe this game had a line. Much to my surprise, I learned today that Coastal Carolina is actually a FBS school. Who knew?!?
I miss the good ole days of yesteryear when you had to go off shore to get a CCU line. Now, they’re everywhere!
(Sidenote: Absolute SAVAGE move but the Fun Belt to kick out New Mexico State to add Myrtle Beach to the fold. Ts and Ps to the Aggies.)
Will Muschamp is 4-2 ATS in season openers, but he hasn’t ever been a 30-point favorite in those contests. Give me the points. Jeffrey's Pick: South Carolina 38, Coastal Carolina 10
Neal McCready: Boom is going to be a big-time player in the SEC East this year. You heard it here first. Neal's Pick: South Carolina 49, Coastal Carolina 6
Chase Parham: I know Coastal went 3-9 last year, but this is a lot of points for a season opener, especially with Carolina entertaining Georgia next week in a game that could decide the SEC East in the second week of September. It won't be close, but it won't be five touchdowns. Parham's Pick: Carolina 41, Coastal 17
Barrett Clark: Only if Muschamp wears all black. Barrett's Pick: South Carolina 42, Coastal Carolina 3
Corey Clark: Neal has consistently said that the Gamecocks are going to win the National Championship this year. Corey's Pick: South Carolina 42, Coastal Carolina 10
Ole Miss (+2) vs. Texas Tech, 11 a.m., NRG Stadium, Houston, ESPN:
Jeffrey Wright: I have no idea what either team is. Both teams won six games last year, and it’s difficult to point to a quality win. Ole Miss’ best win came in Starkville in a game in which the Bulldogs played all but 12 plays without Nick Fitzgerald while I guess Tech’s best win occurred at Texas?!?
I find it hard to believe that Ole Miss’ defense has improved following the departures of Breeland Speaks and Marquis Haynes. Typically, defenses don’t improve when they lose to NFL guys. However, I think that Ole Miss could have more mismatches than the Tech. I’ll take the points. Jeffrey's Pick: Ole Miss 41, Texas Tech 38
Neal McCready: Man, I don't know. For consistency's sake, I'm taking the Rebels, but I've got major doubts. I worry about Ole Miss' running game -- on both sides of the football. Still, I think Ole Miss finds a way to make big plays and escape Houston with a win. Neal's Pick: Ole Miss 34, Texas Tech 30
Chase Parham: I've been high on Ole Miss for this game for a couple months now, and I admit I'm letting some doubt creep into my mind as the game nears. When we got the depth chart on Monday I didn't like the look of the defensive two-deep. I'm going to say Tech breaking in a new quarterback is the different in this one, but my confidence level has dropped precipitously the last five days. Parham's Pick: Ole Miss 38, Tech 34
Barrett Clark: Our defense is better than theirs (hopefully). Barrett's Pick: Ole Miss 42, Texas Tech 24
Corey Clark: Holds breath for the letdown. TAKE THE OVER. Corey's Pick: Ole Miss 49, Texas Tech 44
Austin Peay (No line) at No. 3 Georgia, 2:30 p.m., ESPN:
Jeffrey Wright: I hate buy games. Jeffrey's Pick: Georgia 52, Austin Peay 6
Neal McCready: You get a Cadillac. And you get a Cadillac. And you get a Cadillac. Neal's Pick: Georgia 59, Austin Peay 3
Chase Parham: Austin Peay was one of the great stories in college football in 2017, improving from 0-11 the year before to win eight games. That has zero to do with Saturday. That'll be a mauling, but it's noteworthy nonetheless. Parham's Pick: Georgia 45, Austin Peay 6
Barrett Clark: Bulldogs score as many as they want to. Barrett's Pick: Georgia 49, Austin Peay 3
Corey Clark: No comment. Corey's Pick: Georgia 69, Austin Peay 3
No. 8 Auburn (-1.5) vs. No. 6 Washington, 2:30 p.m., Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, ABC:
Jeffrey Wright: Watch the film of Jake Browning when he gets pressure. His eyes go straight down to the ground. That’s not a recipe for success. I think Auburn is undervalued here. As someone who watches way too much PAC-12 football, I find it highly unlikely that it got that much better overnight. Jeffrey's Pick: Auburn 21, Washington 14
Neal McCready: Call me crazy, but I think Auburn is the SEC's big disappointment this season. I keep hearing the Pac 12 is better this year, so for now, I'll buy it. Neal's Pick: Washington 24, Auburn 23
Chase Parham: This is a bit of an emotional hedge. For a reason that's not quite apparent to me, I want Washington to win this game. I sort of like the Huskies, and it's always fun when an Alabama team loses because of the fan and media reactions. I'll pick Auburn and be happy either way. Parham's Pick: Auburn 24, Washington 20
Barrett Clark: Auburn's defense pulls through in a close one. Barrett's Pick: Auburn 27, Washington 24
Corey Clark: I absolutely have no clue. It just means more? Corey's Pick: Auburn 27, Washington 24
Tennessee (+10) vs. No. 17 West Virginia, 2:30 p.m., Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, North Carolina, CBS:
Jeffrey Wright: Can I lay another touchdown just for fun?!?! Because I would.Jeffrey's Pick: West Virginia 38, Tennesse 20
Neal McCready: I have a soft spot for the Mountaineers. I don't have a soft spot for UT-Knox, as the kids call it. Neal's Pick: West Virginia 41, Tennessee 14
Chase Parham: People keep shoving Will Grier in front of me as a quarterback savior in Morgantown this season. Sure, why not? It lets me root against Tennessee. Parham's Pick: West Virginia 38, Tennessee 16
Barrett Clark: Prison orange doesn't go with anything. Barrett's Pick: West Virginia 31, Tennessee 24
Corey Clark: LOL. Corey's Pick: West Virginia 38, Tennessee 14
Central Michigan (+17) at Kentucky, 2:30 p.m., ESPNU:
Jeffrey Wright: I firmly believe that any football is better than no football, but this game is testing me. The matchup is gross, the teams are gross, I presume the jerseys will be gross, and I fully expect the game to be gross. Jeffrey's Pick: Kentucky 28, CMU 21
Neal McCready: This feels like a lot of points, but what the hell do I know? Neal's Pick: Kentucky 31, Central Michigan 20
Chase Parham: I feel like I'm in an episode of The Bachelor. Bennie Snell is the common name offered to me as a replacement for my both Ralph. They have a lot of the same qualities. The rebound reasoning is solid. But true love waits. And I'm not ready for commitment yet. Parham's Pick: Kentucky 34, Central Michigan 20
Barrett Clark: I have no clue. Barrett's Pick: Kentucky 33, Central Michigan 17
Corey Clark: Magic 8 ball emoji. Corey's Pick: Kentucky 42, Central Michigan 21
UT-Martin (No line) at Missouri, 3 p.m., SEC Network Alternate:
Jeffrey Wright: 2018 is going to be a rough year for quarterback play. We’re living in an era where Drew Lock has a legitimate case for being the best thrower in the country. People thought 2016 was the “worst year ever”. Well in 2016, we still had Baker, Rosen, Chad, A-Squared, Mahomes, and my spirit animal Logan Woodside spinning the pill. I rest my case, your honor.
With that being said, even Derek Dooley can’t screw this game up. Jeffrey's Pick: Missouri 45, Mother’s Alma Mater 14
Neal McCready: I'm all about the Drew Lock bandwagon, even though I'm not a Mizzou fan. Neal's Pick: Missouri 38, UT-Martin 7
Chase Parham: I made fun of Drew Lock all of last season for struggling against good teams. It was fun and it was true. Since then Mike Detillier and others have hoisted Lock into rarified quarterback air. It's making me question myself. Parham's Pick: Missouri 41, UT Martin 13
Barrett Clark: Score is closer than the game. Barrett's Pick: Missouri 39, UT-Martin 17
Corey Clark: No comment, just a jab at Neal. Corey's Pick: Missurah 49, UT-Martin 14
Eastern Illinois (No line) at Arkansas, 3 p.m., SEC Network:
Jeffrey Wright: I don’t even know where Eastern Illinois is. That’s a strong buy game, Jeff Long. No more will you nail biters with Coastal Carolina or losses to ULM. Go the eastern regions of Illinois to find that special FCS team that can’t win. Good for you. Jeffrey's Pick: Arkansas 31, Eastern Illinois 13
Neal McCready: I'm going to be in Fayetteville a lot over the next few years, I suspect. So, Woo Pig? Neal's Pick: Arkansas 37, Eastern Illinois 17
Chase Parham: Hey, Jeffrey, Jeff Long is the athletics director at Kansas. Parham's Pick: Arkansas 34, Eastern Illinois 10
Barrett Clark: I have no clue. Barrett's Pick: Arkansas 42, Eastern Illinois 7
Corey Clark: Editor's note: Corey is a man of few words in his picks debut. Corey's Pick: Arkansas 19, Eastern Illinois 16
Stephen F. Austin (No line) at No. 18 Mississippi State, 6:30 p.m., SEC Network:
Jeffrey Wright: All you need to know about this game is that Joe Moorhead suspended Nick Fitzgerald for the season opener…I wonder what the decision would have been if say MSU were opening with Kansas State rather than SFA?!? For the record, he did what every coach in this league would do, but the point stands that he suspended him for this game because there was zero threat of a loss. Jeffrey's Pick: Mississippi State 41, Stephen F Austin 10
Neal McCready: I generally believe marijuana should be legalized. I mean, it's less dangerous than steroids. Neal's Pick: Mississippi State 41, Stephen F. Austin 7
Chase Parham: I think they all about covered it. Also, Stephen Austin has a ridiculous amount of things named after him. Parham's Pick: MSU 34, SFA 3
Barrett Clark: Well at least Fitzgerald (for now) won't flip off any Stephen F. Austin fans (hopefully). Barrett's Pick: Mississippi State 42, Stephen F. Austin 3
Corey Clark: Home-field advantage plays a key role in this one. Corey's Pick: Mississippi State 45, Stephen F. Austin 10
Charleston Southern (No line) at Florida, 6:30 p.m., SEC Network:
Jeffrey Wright: Whenever I miss football, I need to remember that these games exist. Jeffrey's Pick: Florida 41, Charleston Southern 6
Neal McCready: I can't decide what I want to see happen in Gainesville, but for now, I'm intrigued. Neal's Pick: Florida 49, Charleston Southern 7
Chase Parham: All jokes aside, Dan Mullen looks so much more comfortable now that he's in Gainesville. That trip back to Starkville in a few weeks is going to be a s#!tshow. Parham's Pick: Florida 45, Charleston Southern 10
Barrett Clark: Dan Mullen's era begins in Gainesville with a lot to prove. Barrett's Pick: Florida 52, Charleston Southern 0
Corey Clark: Florida 45, Charleston Southern 10
Middle Tennessee (+3.5) at Vanderbilt, 6:30 p.m., SEC Network Alternate:
Jeffrey Wright: We saw this game last year, and it was at the site of the 2005 Blue Cross Blue Shield Bowl. Sup, Brothers? Kyle Shurmur is remarkably fine, and that’s enough to beat MTSU. Jeffrey's Pick: Vanderbilt 28, MTSU 21
Neal McCready: I fully expect Vanderbilt will be historically bad this season. Neal's Pick: Middle Tennessee 17, Vanderbilt 14
Chase Parham: It's too soon. I can't yet. Parham's Pick: Vanderbilt 17, Middle Tennessee 10
Barrett Clark: We can only hope. Barrett's Pick: Middle Tennessee 33, Vanderbilt 31
Corey Clark: I'm just going to predict Vandy to lose until they don't. Corey's Pick: Middle Tennessee 6, Vanderbilt 3
No. 1 Alabama (-24.5) vs. Louisville, 7 p.m., Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida, ABC:
Jeffrey Wright: Nick Saban is 9-1 ATS in season-openers at Alabama, and Louisville already has offensive linemen talking about dominating the Tide up front. Historically, that’s not the best plan of attack, seeing as only one team has ever done it to them, 2014 Ohio State in the Sugar Bowl. Pray for Louisville. It will be such a shame watching a upstanding institution get embarrassed as they will. Jeffrey's Pick: Alabama 38, Louisville 10
Neal McCready: When I was a kid, I once borrowed a friend's moped and drove it into the wall of my family's garage. I didn't have a volleyball player on the back. Hell, I couldn't have gotten a date on a calendar. Good for you, Bobby. Good. For. You. Neal's Pick: Alabama 42, Louisville 10
Chase Parham: “So if we can dominate up front, then we’re not worried about the defensive front at all. I definitely think we’re capable of going out, starting off fast and dominating their D-line” - Louisville senior OL Lukayus McNeil Parham's Pick: Alabama 48, Louisville 13
Barrett Clark: If you don't believe me, just ask someone at Wal-Mart. Barrett's Pick: Alabama 41, Louisville 17
Corey Clark: I'm just going to predict Bama to win and cover until they don't. Corey's Pick: Alabama 28, Louisville 3
Sunday's game:
No. 25 LSU (+3) vs. Miami, 6:30 p.m., AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas, ABC:
Jeffrey Wright: Let me get this straight. I get Mark Richt v. Ed Orgeron and only have to lay a field goal to get Richt? Yeah, I’m going to do that.Jeffrey's Pick: Miami 21, LSU 13
Neal McCready: I can't wait to pour a bourbon, grill a steak and watch this one. I expect drama. Lots of drama. Neal's Pick: Miami 21, LSU 17
Chase Parham: Miami lost its last three games of 2017 including a 10-point defeat to Pitt. The turnover chain became far less effective toward the end of the year. Don't @ me. I can't believe I'm doing this. Parham's Pick: LSU 24, Miami 20
Barrett Clark: Buyout talks cease, if one for one week. Barrett's Pick: LSU 24, Miami 21
Corey Clark: I've got a weird feeling about this one, and I am prepared for the ridicule. Corey's Pick: LSU 20, Miami 17
