THE GREEN -- One thing you've likely learned over the Pulitzer Award-winning years of Neal's Picks is we're a lot like Donald Trump.
We talk a lot, often full of sound and fury but saying nothing. When things go well, we are quite boisterous in our magnanimous self-praise.
When things go badly, we blame everyone else.
It's never our fault at Neal's Picks. Never has been. Never will be.
For example, how were we to know Jake Browning would collapse and choke in the face of Auburn's pass rush? How were we to know Middle Tennessee State University at Murfreesboro would take the entire offseason and use it to do nothing but drink beer and eat chili dogs?
In the words of Our Great Orange Leader, in a tweet about the Failing New York Times, "TREASON?"
Despite Browning and the Blue Raiders' treasonous actions last week in Atlanta and Nashville, respectively, we at Neal's Picks are moving on.
Another great American, Ricky Bobby, famously said, "If you're not first, you're last."
Respectfully, that's not true. While we're not first (yet), we're damn sure not last. We at Neal's Picks lead one of the car dealers by a full game heading into Week 2, just two measly games behind Oxford's Justin Bieber and one game behind the Mouth of Memphis, Jeffrey Wright, and Everyman's Car Dealer, Corey Clark.
The interns and I spent Labor Day pouring over data and slowly changing the make-up of our Honeysuckle Mule cocktails. By Tuesday, we had refined our predictions, running them by some of the greatest minds in the football world.
Excellence is coming, and it's coming bigly.
On to the picks...
Last week:
Jeffrey Wright: 13-1 overall, 6-2 ATS
Neal McCready: 11-3 overall, 5-3 ATS
Chase Parham 14-0 overall, 7-1 ATS
Barrett Clark: 13-1 overall, 4-4 ATS
Corey Clark: 13-1 overall, 6-2 ATS
All games Saturday. All times Central Daylight Time.
No. 18 Mississippi State (-9) at Kansas State, 11 a.m., ESPN:
Jeffrey Wright: Forgive me (grand) father for I’m about to sin. I’m about to lay points on the road against you. However, I would like to take a minute to note that this isn’t my fault. You needed 60 minutes to beat South Dakota, so really you must see how this is your fault. Jeffrey’s Pick: Mississippi State 31, Kansas State 17
Neal McCready: I think Kansas State is going to have a hard time scoring. Yes, I think Mississippi State's defense is that good. If only the Bulldogs could be as salty as MSU Twitter. I'll give them this much: They never take a day off and there's not a bone in their collective bodies capable of getting jokes or perceiving sarcasm. Goodness gracious. Neal's Pick: Mississippi State 27, Kansas State 14
Chase Parham: Fresh off his suspension for overfeeding a puppy or something, Nick Fitzgerald should find some holes in the Kansas State defense, and the Wildcats are not a prolific offense. We all love Bill Snyder, but it seems that the good days are in the rearview mirror. Parham's Pick: MSU 34, Kansas State 16
Barrett Clark: Close game early. State finishes strong. Barrett's Pick: State 36 Kansas State 17.
Corey Clark: I went to a State buddy's house Saturday night and was forced to watch every play of the Stephen F'n Austin game. Every. Play. "I wanna see our Freshmen." So, I missed Sean Sr's baby boy's game. Did they win? State wins but doesn't cover. Corey's Pick: State 28 Kansas State 20.
Nevada (+9.5) at Vanderbilt, 11 a.m., SEC Network:
Jeffrey Wright: I believed in Vanderbilt last week, but I don’t believe in Vanderbilt. Nevada put up 636 yards of offense last week, and 420 of that total came through the air. This number feels like a trap. And what do we do with a trap, Anakin?!? We spring the trap. Jeffrey’s Pick: Vanderbilt 31, Nevada 24
Neal McCready: I heard the MTSU job is Hugh Freeze's if he wants it. If last week is any indication, it's one helluva rebuild. Vanderbilt might just surprise some people and win four games instead of three. Neal's Pick: Vanderbilt 27, Nevada 20
Chase Parham: Nevada hung 72 on Portland State last week which probably means nothing, but I'm still in prove-it mode with Vanderbilt. I refuse to believe a team is better without Ralph Webb. Parham's Pick: Vanderbilt 24, Nevada 20
Barrett Clark: Home field advantage plays a huge role in this one. Barrett's Pick: Vandy 21 Nevada 10.
Corey Clark: MTSU must be pretty dadgum bad. Portland State was ahead of Nevada 9-0 at one point last week. Corey's Pick: Vandy 30 Nevada 27.
Arkansas State (+37.5) at No. 1 Alabama, 1:30 p.m., ESPN2:
Jeffrey Wright: I had more faith in Alabama covering big numbers lat year because Tua got to play in blowouts. Now Jalen Hurts will have to play in blowouts. Plus, Nick Saban needs to have a meaningless close game to motivate his team as it heads to Oxford. Give me the points.Jeffrey’s Pick: Alabama 47, Arkansas State 13
Neal McCready: Yes, I know this is the type of game where Nick Saban gleefully watches his team sleepwalk its way to a sloppy win. Then, in Saban fashion, he treats his entire team like Maria Taylor for a week, pisses them off and watches them systematically destroy next week's opponent. I'm still laying the points. Neal's Pick: Alabama 52, Arkansas State 10.
Chase Parham: I stared, in deep thought, at this line for five minutes. It really comes down to whether Nick Saban is even slightly worried about Ole Miss. Despite last season, there could be some PTSD about the trip to Oxford, and that means he will intentionally make this close for a bit. This would be a no touch, but we don't have that option. Parham's Pick: Alabama 45, Arkansas State 9
Barrett Clark: Bama looks good. Barrett's Pick: Bama 59 Arkansas State 3.
Corey Clark: I'm going to pick Bama to win and cover until they don't. Corey's Pick: Bama 48 Arkansas State 9.
No. 3 Georgia (-9.5) at No. 24 South Carolina, 2:30 p.m., CBS:
Jeffrey Wright: My brain says take a home dog that gets two scores, but my eyes say that Georgia is actually good while South Carolina is overvalued. When in doubt bet on the better team (pun intended). Jeffrey’s Pick: Georgia 28, South Carolina 17
Neal McCready: Boom and Kirby have taken playful shots at each other all week. It's so cute. Two former college teammates, now multi-millionaire media consultants/football coaches/soon-to-be-Mercedes dealership owners (in Kirby's case) having some fun before a spirited afternoon of competition at the South Carolina State Fairgrounds. If that doesn't warm the cockles of your heart, nothing will. Georgia wins, but I won't be surprised at all if the Gamecocks provide a scare. Neal's Pick: Georgia 27, South Carolina 20
Chase Parham: The fact is I'll be mad at myself if I take Georgia and then Carolina keeps it close because it's the way I've been leaning all week. That place can be a tough place to play, and I need to see a little more out of new-look Georgia. Parham's Pick: Georgia 27, Carolina 24
Barrett Clark: You heard it here first, folks. Barrett's Pick: South Carolina 28 UGa 27
Corey Clark: Neal's natty hopes take a pretty big hit this week. But, I think USCar covers. Corey's Pick: Jawga 24 USCar 21.
Southern Illinois (No line) at Ole Miss, 3 p.m., SEC Network Alternate Channel:
Jeffrey Wright: Ole Miss has two purposes this week, win and stay healthy. I expect the final score will reflect as such.Jeffrey’s Pick: Ole Miss 41, Southern Illinois 17
Neal McCready: Give Shea Patterson this much: If he were quarterbacking at Ole Miss this week, he'd take the 0-1 Rebels and get some serious revenge on Southern Illinois. No one destroys an inferior opponent like Shea Patterson. Look out Western Michigan. He's coming for your ass. Neal's Pick: Ole Miss 41, Southern Illinois 20
Chase Parham: Ole Miss needs to get Scottie Phillips a few more game reps while also keeping him 100 percent healthy. Every touch is Russian roulette with the starters in this one. I expect some caution which makes the score closer than it should be. Parham's Pick: Ole Miss 48, Southern Illinois 20
Barrett Clark: Receiving corps shows out big time after the running game starts off hot early. Barrett's Pick: Ole Miss 45 SIU 17
Corey Clark: Let's get out of here with no injuries. According to Wikipedia, Greyhounds are faster than Salukis in short distance races. Salukis are faster, however, over longer distances. Corey's Pick: Ole Miss 49 SIU 17.
East Tennessee State at Tennessee, 3 p.m., SEC Network:
Jeffrey Wright: East Tennessee State (No line) at TennesseeJeffrey Wright: I hope Randy Sanders walks back to Tri Cities naked.Jeffrey’s Pick: Tennessee 38, ETSU 7
Neal McCready: Oh, the majesty and glory of watching the boys in orange run through that glorious T on the banks of the Tennessee River. What a thrill for Mister Jeremy Pruitt. I'm excited for him. I hope he goes to Calhoun's afterwards and has a plate of overrated ribs accompanied by terrible service. Neal's Pick: Tennessee 37, East Tennessee State 9
Chase Parham:I can't wait for this stretch coming up. Tennessee will be 2-1 overall and trying to feel confident when the four-game stretch of Florida, Georgia, Alabama and Auburn puts the Vols right back in the basement. Parham's Pick: Tennessee 40, ETSU 13
Barrett Clark: Tennessee beats them like a redheaded step child. Barrett's Pick: Tennessee 45 ETSU 3.
Corey Clark: Boy, I'd love to pick ETSU. But, this is only their fourth year of football following twelve years of not fielding a team. Tennessee has only been on hiatus for ten years. Corey's Pick: Tennessee 42 ETSU 20.
No. 2 Clemson(-12.5) at Texas A&M, 6 p.m., ESPN:
Jeffrey Wright: I want to take the points, but I can’t find a simple answer to the question, “How does A&M block Clemson?”. Kelly Bryant is the ACC’s Jalen Hurts, but A&M also low-key stinks at home. Also, Dabo has won three-straight games against Jimbo.Jeffrey’s Pick: Clemson 27, Texas A&M 14
Neal McCready: Just sing along, Jimbo. Pretend you're back in Tallahassee where you got paid big money to play two games a year and take care of the seafood guys at Publix. The words are:
Hullabaloo, Caneck, Caneck
Hullabaloo, Caneck, Caneck
Goodbye to Texas University
So long to the orange and white
Good luck to dear old Texas Aggies
They are the boys who show the real old fight
'the eyes of Texas are upon you'
That is the song they sing so well
Sounds like Hell!
Something about a cult, a cult
Where the boys are square and the girls are squarer
Something else about the cult.
(Just mumble here. Sway back and forth and smile for a few sentences. It'll be over soon.)
So goodbye to Texas University
We're gonna beat you all to
Chigaroogarem
Chigaroogarem
Rough, Tough, Real stuff, Texas A&M... Neal's Pick: Clemson 31, Texas A&M 13
Chase Parham: Clemson has a great defensive line, and all the renewed spirit and better management in the world won't help blocking them. This shows that a rebuild is required in College Station. Parham's Pick: Clemson 31, Texas A&M 10
Barrett Clark: Clemson shows why they are one of the top teams in the country with dominant line play. Those boots, though. Fire. Barrett's Pick: Clemson 41 aTm 28.
Corey Clark: This one scares me. I have no clue. Corey's Guess: Clemson 35 aTm 21.
Southeastern Louisiana (No line) at No. 11 LSU, 6 p.m., SEC Network Alternate Channel:
Jeffrey Wright: Last week changed nothing for me. I can’t wait for another opportunity to bet against LSU. The best things in life come to those who wait. I’ll see you in seven days, Ed.Jeffrey’s Pick: LSU 45, SELA 9
Neal McCready: Well, I underestimated LSU. I was also reminded why Georgia fired Mark Richt. Neal's Pick: LSU 42, UL-Hammond 6
Chase Parham: LSU still doesn't have quarterback play. But good grief they have athletes. In other words, there's nothing new with the Tigers. Parham's Pick: LSU 34, Southeastern Louisiana 6
Barrett Clark: LSU looks strong. Barrett's Pick: LSU 38 SELA 7.
Corey Clark: I'd completely forgotten that Nathan Stanley transferred to SELA. What is the very first image that popped into your mind when you read "Nathan Stanley"??? Corey's Pick: LSU 45 SELA 10
Wyoming (+17.5) at Missouri, 6 p.m., SEC Network Alternate Channel:
Jeffrey Wright: Missouri has put up 45 points or more in its last seven regular season games, and I don’t expect it to stop on Saturday.Jeffrey’s Pick: Missouri 48, Wyoming 27
Neal McCready: I'll admit it; I'm cheering for Missouri. Next thing you know I'll be having dinner with prominent Mizzou journalism alumni. Neal's Pick: Missouri 40, Wyoming 17
Chase Parham: Drew Lock still hasn't found ways to consistently win games against quality teams. Wyoming doesn't qualify as a quality team. The Cowboys don't suck, but they are middle management. Lock will have a field day Saturday. Parham's Pick: Missouri 48, Wyoming 20
Barrett Clark: I have no idea. Barrett's Pick: Missourah 28 Wyoming 10
Corey Clark: Neal told me to write more. I still can't believe Wyoming beat us (Ole Miss. I can say "us" because I am, in fact, a "fan") back to back years. It's almost as inconceivable as actually scheduling a home and home with Wyoming. Wyoming has already beaten New Mexico State 29-7 in Las Cruces. Don Decker is New Mexico State's Strength, Conditioning, and Golf Coach. Wyoming covers. Corey's Pick: Missourah 54 Wyoming 38.
Alabama State (No line) at No. 7 Auburn, 6:30 p.m., SEC Network Alternate Channel:
Jeffrey Wright: The enemy of my enemy is my ally. See you next week, Tigers. Rest up. We’ve got a big one.Jeffrey’s Pick: Auburn 45, Alabama State 6
Neal McCready: LSU at Auburn next weekend is going to be a fun game to watch. Auburn will have a pregame prayer circle. Ed Orgeron will eat a live rooster while he watches. Auburn's eagle will circle the field, pounce on its prey and fly for its life while Orgeron gives chase. Auburn beat reporters, busy tweeting out photos of the prayer circle/recruiting photo op, will miss all of the other excitement. Ah, the drama. It does just mean more. Neal's Pick: Auburn 52, Alabama State 3
Chase Parham: This isn't a common phrase, but I wonder about Auburn's running game. The quarterback play is good enough. The wide receivers aren't bad. But there's a backfield question mark for the first time in a while on The Plains. Parham's Pick: Auburn 37, Alabama State 3
Barrett Clark: Auburn's defense looks really good. Barrett's Pick: Auburn 59 ASU 0
Corey Clark: Fun fact: Lil Yachty went to Alabama State. Corey's Pick Auburn 49 ASU 7
Arkansas (-12.5) at Colorado State, 6:30 p.m., CBS Sports Network:
Jeffrey Wright: Neither team has shown anything, so give me the home dog for no other reason than I would rather have points than give them.Jeffrey’s Pick: Arkansas 31, Colorado State 27
Neal McCready: Arkansas may have a quarterback controversy. At this point, that might be a good thing for the Hogs. Neal's Pick: Arkansas 41, Colorado State 23
Chase Parham: Colorado State has been awful the first two weeks. Warmed-over awful. But here's hoping they have at least a semblance of a pulse against the Razorbacks who are searching for an identity. Parham's Pick: Arkansas 38, Colorado State 27
Barrett Clark: This one's gonna be a close game, but the Hawgs pull it out in the end with a Special Teams play. Barrett's Pick: Arkansas 28 CSU 25
Corey Clark: Neal sent this line to us without a + or - sign. It says, "Arkansas (12.5) at Colorado State." I had to go look to see if Arkansas was a favorite or a dog. Ergo.... Corey's Pick: Arkansas 24 CSU 23
Kentucky (+14) at No. 25 Florida, 6:30 p.m., SEC Network:
Jeffrey Wright: Dan Mullen covers, especially against Kentucky.Jeffrey’s Pick: Florida 35, Kentucky 17
Neal McCready: I think it's finally time. After so many close calls, so many heartbreaking, agonizing defeats, the Wildcats are going to the Swamp and escaping victorious. Break out the finest bourbons, Commonwealth. Cheers! Neal's Pick: Kentucky 31, Florida 27
Chase Parham: Kentucky has made a habit of teasing itself before blowing it late. The Wildcats haven't beaten Florida since 1986. Even Ed Orgeron could figure out what trend means in this example. Parham's Pick: Florida 27, Kentucky 24
Barrett Clark: Kentucky plays it close in the first half, but Florida dominates the second half. Barrett's Pick: Florida 28 Kentucky 13
Corey Clark: This could be one of those games where we see Mullen's "I smell dog crap" face. You know the face. Barrett and I had a neighbor named Bob when we were growing up. He's a big time State fan and a great guy. Apropos of nothing, he always called Mullen "That Pie-Faced-Lookin S.O.B." Chase's new crush has a great game, but it's not enough. Corey's Pick: Florida 28 Kentucky 17
